The Corner

Caution: Rambling Soapboxy Post Ahead

I know I'm stating the obvious here--teenagers need to be parented. Working with adolescents, I can tell who is actively parented and who is turned loose to the world of endless video games, junk food, unsupervised hanging out with friends, and an empty house after school and all summer.

So, this is something I think about a lot. How am I going to parent my someday teenager. I'll tell you what I'm not going to do: let him hang out on the corner of the park (at the intersection of two busy streets) with a group of 15-30 other mostly male teens. Please. It's a powder keg.

And, it's something I see EVERY DAY now that I moved across from a park in North Portland. I'm not exaggerating. There are dozens of teens who have nothing to do and all day to do it--with absolutely NO adult supervision. These are 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18 year old young people.

To be frank, it pisses me off. I'm not advocating that every parent micromangage their teen, read their journals, or hound them about their every move. I just think that parents need to make sure their teen has an engaging, semi-supervised place to be all summer--like a summer job or camp or helping elderly neighbors and relatives.

Here's what happens when teens are left unsupervised--two girls start fighting over a boy. The mob of teens flocks around them and eggs them on. Pretty soon, there are fifty teens screaming and yelling and enouraging the girls to keep fighting. Literally, a mob. We saw this a few weeks ago when we were outside eating dinner. I've seen lots of fights in my life, but never one as brutal as this. We called the cops.

Before the police arrived, one of the girls managed to crawl into a friend's car and they sped off. The other girl was cheered on by the crowd. Then, someone came over and handed her a baby that she immediately started to feed.


And so the cycle continues.

I know that not every child is planned. I know that not everyone lives in a dual-income family. I know that lots of people struggle to survive. However, I believe, with every ounce of who I am, that children of ALL ages need active, involved parents.

I think I know where the abdication of parenting teens might have originated: there was a report that came out during the Reagan administration called "A Nation at Risk". Basically, it was a declaration of our "failing" public school system. The subtext of this document is that if we can "fix" public schools, we can save kids.

I'm all for improving schools. I'm a big believer in positive school reform.

However, I know one thing for sure:

All the school reform in the world won't save kids. Only parents can save kids.

You know though, the media and the politicians don't like to talk about parental responsibility because the consumers and voters pay their salaries. And media consumers and voters are parents.

I know I sound like a conservative talk show host--which I sooooo am not. But, really, we need to start a movement that pushes people to parent their teens and stop believing the lies that it is the school's job or society's job to raise teens. It is the parent's job. Period.

I think I'm going to start selling bumper stickers that say: Schools don't save kids, families save kids.

All right. I feel better now. Thanks for letting me share. I think today, I won't feel so pissy when I pass by all the unsupervised and unchallenged teens on the corner.

We are...under construction.